Wow! God is so amazing. Today I celebrate six years with my surgical rods and screws and wire! Time has flown and God has taught me so much.

I fully believe that He put me through those experiences for a specific reason. I know without a doubt that without Him, I would not be here today.

Just some things God is teaching me:
*We are not meant to have the success of this world
*We are meant to shine and excell in worldy things but that is not our goal
*God has complete control over everything
*When you give it all to Him, things click into place
*Relationships mean so much more than things
*Nobody is too small to make a difference
*God uses you in ways that you don't even realize
*TRUST and OBEY
*LOVE WITH ALL YOUR HEART!
*Forgive even when you feel you can't
*Seek a relationship with God, you can't sit and expect Him to come to you
*Read God's word... you will learn so much
*Never underestimate the power of silence
*Be thankful for every little thing
*Never let the greatness of God make you feel like you are unworthy
*Jesus gave us the model... we just need to figure out how to arrange our pieces
*You may not be liked by others
*PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!!!!
*Listen to God's "still small voice" and feel where he leads you

Tonight I experienced something that I truly needed. I was invited to go to a concert by a friend. I knew about the concert but had passed it as something that I wouldn't be able to fit into my schedule. I went anyway. It was Jeremy Camp, Natalie Grant, and Bebo Norman. It was incredible. There was true worship in New Castle this evening. I enjoyed all parts of the show, but let me share some experiences I had tonight. During Natalie, I was singing along to the songs I knew and having fun. Then I heard the intro to "Held." This was a song my mom had shared with me and associated with my grandfather, Little Poppy. When I heard this song tonight, I started to think about him. I don't realize how much of an impact he had on my life everyday. He was just such a wonderful man, and I know that he would be immensely proud of me and all I am doing. Sometimes, it is really hard to think how little time we had together. I didn't know then that he would be so much a part of who I am. Normally when I perform I think about him and dedicate it in a small way to him. I have a picture of him holding me that sits on my desk. I look at it almost daily, but I don't always think of what it means. It reminds me of the lyrics, "this is what it means to be held." Even though he is no longer here on earth, he holds me to higher standards, and pushes me to be better than I am. In the words of Third Day, "To anyone who's lost someone they love, long before it was their time... cry out to Jesus." Tonight I cried out to Jesus and I was comforted. After this, Jeremy talked about Peter and walking on water. He was so good at first. He was walking, but when he lost sight of the One, he lost it all. We cannot get distracted by the things going on in our lives and around us. They are merely winds that are under God's power. He is watching us as we walk toward him. When we look away and start to sink... He reaches out His hand and pulls us back to where we need to be. I also like the image of walking on water. We are to follow Christ's example, and not everybody walks on water. This means that we are not to do all that the world does. We are to be set apart and focused on the only One who truly knows us. We have such little faith and are so quick to doubt. I pray that I will trust and stay walking on water. I know that Jesus wants me to stand out and get out of my boat. With him to lead me, I can go anywhere he needs me. "This is my desire, this is my return, this is my desire, to be used by you."

This week was an amazing experience for me. It opened up my eyes to new truths that I had not seen before. The Gulf Coast is still really broken up from Hurricane Katrina. Biloxi has buildings that are missing entire floors. Churches are no longer there... homes are missing... things are nowhere near where they need to be. There are so many people without decent housing. Habitat for Humanity is working to change that. I worked on one house in Passagoula, MS. I learned a few new things and got to use some old skills, but I worked very hard. I was dedicated to making as much of a difference in that house as I could. I spent hours on high latters, crawled under the house to put in insulation, and did so much more. I personally made a visible difference in that house. I'm so proud of our entire group. Most of us challenged ourselves and worked to our full potential. I'm not perfect and that was evident in some of my measurements, but I kept going. When I decided to sign the wall at camp Victor, I wrote "Give until you can give no more." That was my personal motto for the week. I honestly feel like I could have given no more than what I did. I "sacrificed" which was the word of the week. I cannot be sure how much of a difference I made, but I just know that I gave my all. I have no regrets and I'm so grateful for the opportunity to work at such a project. The work is nowhere near finished in the Gulf Coast. They still need help because Katrina completely destroyed most people's lives. They will never forget what happened and they are extremely thankful that people are willing to help them. Their spirit is what I will remember most. They live out 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams and I will never forget that. I must also remember that much is required of me. God has given me more than what I need and I need to share. Sharing is easier than most people think. I share by sponsoring Nicholas and Chiara, I share by doing Habitat for Humanity, and I share by doing a water fast for 40 days. I share by loving. There are so many ways. Pray and figure out what God has planned for you. You never know, He may just need you somewhere you never expected you would go. Thanks for a great week, I know I am forever changed.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, to be gorgeous, talented, and fabulous. Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that others won't feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of God within us. And as we let our light shine, we consciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Marianne Williamson/Nelson Mandela
This quote caught me off guard. Boldness is not something that I'm very good at. I attempt to let my light shine, but sometimes I back off because I feel too proud. When you are living in God's glory, things just click and doors open for you. It is so hard to not feel like you should hide a bit of who you are. This is something I struggle with on a daily basis. God has blessed me with the ability to learn and excel in classes. He has also given me an amazing instrument that I didn't deserve. I am nothing without His glory shining in me, but sometimes people get jealous. I have friends that get frustrated when I do better than them on tests or get a part in a piece of music. It breaks my heart because I don't purposefully try to beat them. I actually feel guilty when I do better than them and I don't know if God's light is being reflected. I shouldn't feel guilty because I am doing the best I can, but it is so easy to shrink. I need to "eagerly expect and hope to be in no way ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death." -Philippians 1:20. I can't be afraid to stand out, because that's what I was made for. I am going to be liberated!! May I reflect God's glory and shine bright!

I feel like lately my life has been the worst roller coaster ride ever! One day I have a great day, the next I feel so down. I can't really explain the reasons for this, but I'm trying to learn how to deal with it. The weather has been really rainy lately and I that always causes my back to really hurt, so that is a big part of my problem. It reminds me of all the things I have gone through. I remember each surgery and the recovery... then the residual neuropathy. It has been an uphill struggle for so many years. I'm very blessed to be past the 5 year mark since my last surgery. As I sit here and listen to "Bring the Rain" by MercyMe, I'm so amazed at God's awesome power. He is only reason I am still alive. I believe that with all my heart. I am so weak I could never have made it through my surgeries by myself. He placed people in my life who were his hands and feet. My mother was the greatest help during that time. She was with me every step of the way (literally). She helped me when I could barely walk, helped me change, gave me prescriptions and anything that needed done. She was my pillar of strength in an earthquake. I can never thank her enough. I have no doubt that when I look at her, Jesus is there smiling back at me. Why do I bring up all of this? To deal with the future, you have to know the past. I am confident with who I am, but I'm far from perfect. This year has revealed many new things in my life that I need to work on. It's a daily struggle, but I'm taking one step ahead. It may be 2 steps forward and 1 step back, but at least I'm moving forward. So all I pray is, "Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free, bring me anything that brings you glory. I know there'll be days when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise you, Jesus bring the rain... I am yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above, because you are much greater than my pain. You who made a way for me by suffering your destiny, so tell me, what's a little rain?" These words resonate in my soul. I have lived this song and it keeps reminding me that even though these problems may arise every once in a while, God is so much greater than anything I have to deal with. He is so worthy of all my praise and I long to serve him with my life. So, I'll stand out in the rain with every pain I have and feel God in a new way. Bring the rain... I'm scared, but ready.

I am so guilty of saying things I shouldn't. Sometimes I just don't know when to stop. Words can hurt so much and I know that, but I still am the one to cause pain. Now that I know it, it is my responsibility to change it. I will use my words to lift others up and keep my mouth shut when I have nothing positive to say. I'm not glorifying God when I am negative or mean. I pray that silence will speak louder than me.

I just participated in a "sit-in" at the Music Department. That was quite an experience. We are hoping that security will leave the department open later than 11 every night. As music majors, we need access to the practice rooms and resources found down there. With such a heavy course load, we are forced to practice at times that produce little or no results but with the department open later, it will allow for progress. It was exilerating to have so many music majors joined together to do one thing, practice!! We all found places and did what we love to do and want to do for life. I practiced cello and my opera music while others played jazz, original compositions, and much more. It was a fantastic representation of all the talent this school has to offer. I'm very proud to say that I go to Westminster and am surrounded by such great musicians and human beings. I hope that they permanently leave the department open until 2. I will not be there the whole time considering I have a bed time, but other people will make use of that time. Keep playing!!

Lent. Oh, everybody is giving up something... chocolate, dessert, pop? It seems that they are focusing on taking away. My view on this whole situation is that God gives. He takes away the things that hinder, but he gives us more than we can ever imagine. So, this lent, my goal is to give something everyday to somebody. I'm not sure exactly how this is going to pan out. I know that I can love more through my actions and I'm looking forward to seeing where God will take me these 40 days. I'm actually a little scared, because I'm not sure how to complete this commitment and it will be a struggle. My goal is to honor the one who gave his life for me by giving my gifts and time to others. So, let my words be few and my actions many. In Jesus' name.

I'm very set in my ways. I feel that pretending doesn't do any good. Sometimes I feel like people try to protect me. I would like to make my own decisions before people come to conclusions. Yes, I'm a Christian. That means I'm steady and secure, but it does not mean that I will collapse at a swear word or inappropriate comment. I have been blessed to not have much bad (what other people consider to be) in my life, but I still am able to take it. I don't drink, I don't swear, but I like to have fun. I won't judge, just let me be myself and I'll let you be yourself. Nothing fake. I feel stronger than anybody gives me credit for. Do I get uncomfortable, yes, but that can't be avoided. My friends try to cover up things or hide them from me... just stop. I am nosey and will find out anyways!!! Be honest with me. I'll tell you my opinion, but don't expect me to be "better than you." I am just really frustrated with people not feeling like they can be themselves. I love you no matter what decisions you make. That won't change. So, don't be afraid to talk to me. I'm here for you and I will do whatever you need!!! God will use me how He sees fit, so I'm up for whatever.

Sometimes, it's really good to let things out. I was angry tonight about the way a friend was treating me. And very unlike me, I confronted him about it. It was worth it. Being scared more often than not leads to a change for the good. I don't like to be ignored. I find it rude and very hurtful. Normally I just let it go, but I didn't this time. I learned so much at Jubilee this year. It was the most faith challenging weekend of my life. I learned so much about who I am and what I expect to see in the world. I need to be transforming the world if I am truly a transformed being. I can personally change the world. I can follow God's will for me. I have no idea what it is. This weekend really challenged me to look at what God wants me to do. I have no idea. He has put Compassion on my heart. I am now helping to sponsor another child with some friends. I pray for Chaira and Nicholas that they may feel God's love in this crazy, hurting world. I believe what Justin McRoberts said, "What is good with God is better than what is wrong with the world." I feel revitalized and ready to face tomorrow. I need to make a difference and not do things just because. I know that I can do it. With God on my side, I can do anything and this world will never be the same. I pray that you might find the same hope and courage. In Jesus' name.